The Choice of the Sister
by Nightmarish
Summary: There is a tower, and a portal, and a god, and this proves to be a deadly combination. [1st in The Calling]


**Disclaimer**: I do not own BtVS or LotR.

A/N: This is only really a crossover in the context of the series. More coming soon.

**The Choice of the Sister**

0

There is a tower, and a portal, and a god, and this proves to be a deadly combination.

Her mother is dead, and Dawn doesn't really exist, and Glory just wants to go home. Buffy tries to hold it all together, but it's all going so wrong, and she can feel everything slip-sliding out of her grasp because she's only one girl in all the world and she is reaching the end of her strength.

Buffy Summers does not believe in prophesies, but the desert fire is blinding, and she thinks, _there is a difference between fate and destiny._

Death is –

It's like one of those examples from English class where the words are in the wrong order, so it's impossible to tell which way the sentence is meant to be read. Or maybe it has something to do with commas? Buffy can never remember, but now she doesn't have to because death is her gift.

Her gift to give, or her gift to receive?

o

o

o

She does not ask Giles what he thinks she should do because she already knows what his answer will be, and it is one she is not prepared to hear. _Will_ not. Death is _her_ gift, and how can a new day come without the dawn?

He tells her anyways because he is tired, and angry, and afraid. They are all afraid.

Buffy knows that she is being selfish, but she is too _afraid_ of losing Dawn to care, because Dawn is made from her, is a _part_ of her. Buffy's love is brighter than the fire, but she is still afraid of losing her humanity. Dawn is not her sister, and she is not her innocence, but she _is_ her humanity, and that is something so much more. The monks were right to create a human vessel. Buffy will not kill a human. (It's all about losing faith.)

But Faith is lost already, and Buffy is losing, and they've exhausted all other options so now all that's left is the impossible. So she smashes Glory's face in with a hammer and starts to win. But it's not enough, because the days when it ended with killing the big bad are over, and Ben is just a regular guy, and she must forgive him.

o

o

o

She does not kill the god.

o

o

o

The tower sways and creaks against the sky, but everything has already fallen apart below. Her friends cling to one another like frightened children, and Spike is fallingfallingfalling in love with her, and Giles is left to make the difficult choices she cannot. Left to make the choices that would destroy her.

She is the Chosen One. In this she does not have a choice.

Buffy climbs higher as Dawnie's screams fill the night sky.

But she is late, late, late. The sky rips apart and for one solitary second, Buffy Summers thinks her heart is going to shatter, because Dawn is bleeding and there is only one way this can end.

She looks back at the swirling energy and knows what she has to do. The ground is slick with Dawn's blood, but it is Buffy's blood, too, and Spike is oh so much cleverer than any of them give him credit for because it's _always_ got to be the blood, and a half-second's thought is all it takes for Buffy to make up her mind to throw herself off of the god's tower and trust in the sky to catch her.

o

o

o

The sky will not catch her. Buffy knows this, and smiles anyways because _knowing_ is almost as good as choosing. She does not choose this, because there is no choice. Save the sister, save the world. Save all the worlds imaginable. Self-sacrifice is a small price to pay, and death is her gift with purchase. She understands this now. She understands everything now.

Buffy isn't perfect, but standing on top of a tower as the world falls apart, she has a moment of perfect clarity. There is only one way this can end, but the ending changes. This is something she alone must do, because she alone has been Chosen.

The air crackles and warps below. She can feel the pressure of it pushing against her back, repelling her, even before she turns to face it.

Buffy does not try to imagine what awaits her on the other side. She feels as though she is suspended in time. The present is perpetual. The past is forgotten. Ben's broken, bloody body is nothing more than a distant memory. The future is inconceivable, like a half-remembered dream that hasn't yet been dreamt. Nothing matters except for Dawn. Buffy has tasted death before, and death is her gift, and she looks at her not-sister's frightened, tearstained face and knows she is not afraid to die for this.

The air tastes like ash and electricity. The dimensions shudder as the rip expands. There is no more time.

In the seconds it takes to reach the edge, Buffy feels as though she lives a thousand lifetimes. No regrets, not ever – but so many possibilities. So many alternate paths she will not take. A million potentialities fall aside to leave only the one truth.

And most of all, she wishes she could see her mother one last time.

o

o

o

She jumps.

o

o

o

* * *

><p>Don't forget to read part 2, <em>Her Mother's Daughter<em>!


End file.
